my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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