If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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