nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can u get pink eye on your cock?
birth control should be required to get into college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
