All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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