he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As shirtless as possible
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
