her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
