What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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