so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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