new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
