And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
