There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
