I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
