I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
