I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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