just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
