kristin has been a bad kristin
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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