so that wasnt chicken after all
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
