2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
