I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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