Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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