My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
