I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
