Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
