my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
