are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
