I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
