is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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