I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
