I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
