Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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