i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
operation harelip BJ is a go
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
