making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
