He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
