I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
