i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
