I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
