Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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