i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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