So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
