Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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