Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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