dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
