you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
