Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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