my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
