apparently the secret to your success is patron
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
