the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
