Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
