tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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