So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
