Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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