East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
