Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
