Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
