I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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