Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
