He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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