so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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